Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Monday, October 8, 2007
something that put me down a few days ago..
4/10/2007 10.15pm
Yesterday, i brought my homeroom kids to bazaar ramadhan...besela...asal nk bawak anak homeroom jek...mesti anak2 angkat nk ikut sama..but me x kisah...i enjoyed myself when I were with them...neway that one wasn’t the story that i would like to story mory...ader citer lain yg i felt like very2 disappointed ..when we reached at pak guard, normal la...they will do their job n we’ll do our job, handling all students’ outing card...besenyer guard x byk soal..but this time...pak gad tu dh jd cam polis, asking so many questions to those kids...smpi berpeluh2 gak nk jawab...me plak cam bese la...sengih jek cam kerang busuk...but what made me so disappointed was because of those conversations:
Pak Gad: ok sumer...saya nk kena cek btoi2 ni..nk kena kira..kena cam sorg2 kot2 ader yg menipu..dah 2,3 hari dah org duk tipu..
Me: (dgn nada berlawak)..check pakcik..jgn x check...kalo depa salah..sy tinggal depa kt sini..
Pak Gad: (Dgn muka serius..without smiling) ni awat x der gambar ni? (supposedly outing card budak2 ni kena ltk gambar)
Student F: pakcik tu kad baru..sy baru beli...kad lama hilang..x sempat nk taruk gambar..kalo pakcik x caya..pakcik check la kt dalam..
Pak Gad: sy x kira..next time kalo x der gambar...sy suh awk jln kaki..
All of us: gelak jer la..
Those are part of conversations happened that time. Akceli, there were 2 cars yg angkut budak2 ni cos 5 all of them..mana la nk muat my beloved kenari kan...biler smpi jek turn lonis’s car, same gak kena inspection lama gak...me dh blah awal2..few minutes later, lonis called me...telling me sumthing yg menyebabkan aku x rasa nk makan tuk berbuka...x der mood..rupa2 nye pakcik tu cam nk marah kt aku...dia kater 2,3 hari kena tipu tu (refer to the conversations above), including me..dia kater, me bawak budak2 kuar without outing card...hellloooo...we all mmg kira ok those cards...5 kids with 5 cards before going out...plus me baru bawak budak sekali this week, mana ader tipu 2,3 ari..this one, the day before nyer story..kebetulan plak ader sorg cikgu yg bawak students gak n he’s the one yg bawak budak without card ekcelli..not me..what made him accused me such that was, supposedly we brought 6 kids but suddenly 1 of them overslept n he didn’t want to go...so..yg pegi only 5 kids so only 5 cards jer la kan..but then in the list name, there are 6 names..so...tetiba jek kater me bawak budak tanpa kad...mmg la ni misunderstood nyer citer but it wasn’t our fault la...becos masa nk kuar tu..dia kira all cards..dia kira all kids inside my car..tp nape plak timbul isu camni...tp x per la..for me i still can handle it kot..since aku respect pak gad tu sbb his age like my father...dgn humble nyer masa nk send budak2 ni..i said sorry becos of our carelessness..but u know what happened?...pak cik tu ble wat bodo jek...as if cam he couldn’t accept my apology..hello..that was not only my fault..all of us cuai..so what...aku mmg geram ar masa tu...seriusly dia nyer muka...i couldn’t describe la..but then when i heard one of the kids said “miss, gila kerek pakcik tu...dah la miss mintak maap ngan dia tp dia ble wat muka n wat bodo jek..aper daa”..budak2 pn ble nampak riak muka dia..huh...aku mmg terasa la sbb bg aku, aku x wat salah...aku bawak budak kuar pn legally..got permission from HEP lg..bukan main hentam kromo jek bawak derg sume..plus aku plak new teacher n it will affect my reputation as well..
Me rasa lega when I explained this thing to 1 of the wardens n she just asked me to ignore this thing because they all knew who were the students yg wat onar...kuar without permission n with whom they went out...
Aku dh serik dah nk bawak budak2 ni kuar g pasar ramadhan..yesterday was the last one..even after this pn..if my homeroom kids nk kuar, i’ll only bring them without anak2 angkat or other students cos it’s quite risky.
5/10/2007 10.14pm
Today, aku rasa down sgt..rasa sedih, geram, sakit ati..mcm2 rasa lg la yg x dpt nk describe kt sini..ni sumer psl kes smlm n 2 hari lps..tadi sorg guru dtg marah2..bukan marah2 la..kind of perli2 secara sinis...mana taknya..yg aku bawak smlm tu ader 2 org anak dia..i admitted la mmg ader gak silap aku sbb cuai x cek btol2 kad derg2 ni..just bergantung pada surat kelulusan dr HEP jek..tp mana la aku tau..x der saper nk brief pn kt aku psl benda ni..aku kan considered baru lg kt sini..no wonder la students ckp cikgu2 lama ni close-minded..mmg btol pn..ader ke patut dia nk kater aku ni close sgt dgn budak2 smpi nk ader affair ngan derg..gilo ker aper..nauzubillah..x pernah terpk pn nk wat camtu..all those kids tu aku dh anggap mcm adik2 aku dah..lgpn derg tu my students..mmg la ader kes before this cikgu pompuan ader affair ngan students tp not all teachers yg camtu ok..yg aku bengang sgt tu, aku dh explain everything kt cikgu tu..dah mintak maap pn..nape tetiba benda ni spread out?aper tujuan org yg spread out the story tu?aper yg dia dpt dia wat camtu kt kiterg..aku bukan nk kater la tp sepanjg 5 months aku duk kt sini..mmg benda2 gosip ni dh jd perkara biasa di kalangan guru2 n kakitangan kt sini..yg aku x suka, sometimes benda tu x btol pn...derg just judge a book by its cover..neway masa awal2 aku msk sini..dh ader cikgu2 yg warning aku suh be careful ngan sorg cikgu ni..dunt simply telling anything yg ko rasa ko x nk org lain tau kt dia..sbb within 1 day jek kdg2 less than 1 day..sumer org leh tau..believe me because including this case aku dh kena 3 kali ngan cikgu tu without my concern..1st time kena tu x der la psl aku pn..aku just tunjuk 1 gambar kt frenster..actually that boy tu x-student of this school n since that cikgu tu old teacher kt sini so aku saja jek tanyer dia whether kenal ke x mamat tu sbb mamat tu dah totally bertukar from a man to a beautiful lady..n u know what..after i showed her those photos, few students dtg kt aku..tanyer psl budak tu, mintak aku tunjuk gambar sbb derg nk tgk how beautiful that ‘lady’..oh my God! What the hell..mana derg tau sumer ni..aku jd pelik gak tp biler aku dpt tau that cikgu yg story mory kt derg, aku dh mula rasa cam kind of x puas ati ar..n slowly aku terpk aper yg guru2 lain dh warning aku bout her is totally correct..mana x nyer..asal ader budak2 wat kesalahan disiplin esp yg kena tangkap becos of coupling, just go n ask her..of cos she will tell you every single thing bout that story, even she read all the reports written by the students..report2 tu actually pengakuan budak2 tu atas kesalahan yg dilakukan n she simply spread it out benda2 camtu..2nd time aku kena, dia tego aku..dia kater aku ni rajin btol jd prebet sapu (teksi) kt budak2 ni, means aku ni suka angkut budak2 kuar, sanggup amik derg nk bawak g mana2, willing to do anything la kt budak2 ni using my car.why did she say like that? Becos at that time, dia slalu nampak aku kuar msk maktab around 5 o’cock during this fasting mnth..conversation kami lbh kurg camni la:
She: awk ni rajin btol bawak budak2 ni kuar g pasar Ramadan, jadi prebet sapu derg..
Me: (aku yg tgh blur2) Ha!bawak budak2?biler?(aku blur sbb masa tu aku x pernah bawak budak2 kuar lg tuk g pasar ramadhan)
She: ala..yg duk dtg maktab tiap2 ptg tu?
Me: oooooo..tu ker..sy mmg dtg maktab tiap2 ptg lam kul 5 tuk amik org g pasar ramadhan tp bukan budak2 tp sy dtg amik cikgu R sbb dia nk g pasar Ramadan gak.(cikgu R tu hosmet aku, seorg kaunselor n office hour dia abis kul 5. Dia x der transport so alang2 umah dkt jek, aku willingly nk p amik dia)
She: ooo..ye ker..ingat bawak budak2 kuar
Tu la antara conversation kami pada 1 hari yg indah..huhu..see dia hanya Nampak aku kuar msk maktab but then she didn’t know why i was there tp pandai2 nk serkap jarang..sometimes aku rasa dia ader sense of jealousy towards new teacher la..i dunt know y tp tu la..3rd time nyer this new case la n bg aku kali ni dh agak melampau la smpi sumer org duk ckp psl kami..it’s unfair but then ramai yg advice aku, just take it easy, ignore jek benda2 camni..lama2 nnt derg senyap la ngan sdirinyer, hopefully la but then next time i should be careful la with people around me.. dunt put ur 100% trust to the people that u didn’t know...so, welcome myself to the new world of becoming a teacher..new challenges, new things n many more..i think enough dulu la kot luahan aku..rasa lega plak even i just write it on a piece of ms word worksheet...
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Bukan untuk diriku....
Here's the lyric of this song:
Setelah kupahami
ku bukan yang terbaik
yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusanksikan
ternyata dirinyalah
yang mengerti kamu,
bukanlah diriku
Kini maafkanlah aku
bila ku menjadi bisu
kepada dirimu
bukan santunku terbungkam
hanya hatiku terbatas
‘tuk mengerti kamu
maafkanlah aku
reff:
Walau ku masih mencintaimu;
Ku harus meninggalkanmu;
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu;
Nurani membutuhkanmu;
ku harus merelakanmu
Dan hanyalah dirimu
yang mampu memahamiku
yang dapat mengerti aku,
ternyata dirinyalah
yang sanggup menyanjungmu
yang dapat menyantunmu,
bukanlah diriku
Me and myself, at this moment....
1) Not enough time..
2) Tgh adapt myself ngan new life @ balik pulau
3) Before this, i didnt have laptop@pc
4) Dah ader laptop, bz marking paper plak...
5) Sometimes internet connection plak prob..
6) Since im taking my dip ed...after school holidays kena wat assignment plak..
7) etc..
so many reasons huh...tu la manusia...hidup penuh dgn alasan...hehehe...:D